Things Can Always Be Worse

As many of you know, I was recently hacked. My Facebook account was taken over by a thug who changed my Facebook password, added his email, and changed my authentication methods to use his information. Consequently, I could not access my Facebook account for ten days.

After about a week of trying to get my account back into my control the hacker struck, the day before Easter.

This year we decided to celebrate Easter a day early and had a family brunch scheduled at our home. That morning, a few hours before guests were due to arrive, the hacker sent a message to all my Facebook friends and groups. The post said I was selling a lot of good stuff at bargain prices as I helped my uncle sell his estate after going to assisted living. Due to the circumstances, he stated (in my name) he needed anyone who wanted anything on the list to send in a down payment to hold the item. First come, first served.

That morning my phone was alerting me constantly. Many friends wanted to contact me directly, outside of Facebook, to ask questions about the post. Some thought it was real and wanted an item, while others warned me that I had been hacked. I told them it was a scam and to not send any money. My house would be full of family wanting to celebrate Easter in a couple of hours and instead of helping with the final preparations, I was trying to do damage control. 

I missed much of the celebration that day as I was busy responding to all the messages. I was worried about my friends getting scammed out of their hard-earned money, so I didn’t delay my replies. But what about my Facebook friends who did not have another way to contact me? They would be contacting the hacker and potentially getting scammed and I had no way to stop it.

My anxiety and frustration reached a peak that day. I could feel my heart pounding extra hard and my Garmin watch was telling me I was over stressed and should take the day off.

Later I finally realized that in the big scheme of things, losing my Facebook account was not that big a deal. Things could be a lot worse. I didn’t have a stroke, get diagnosed with stage IV cancer, have my house burn down (like in the picture for this article), or lose my wife. I know lots of people who get by in life without Facebook or any other social media accounts. Additionally, I think everyone figured out it was a scam before sending any money. Almost all the groups deleted the post as not appropriate. I’m sure they felt ill of me for posting such a message, but that will pass.

The next day in church, our pastor started off with a story demonstrating the concept of how “things could always be worse.” It seemed like he was talking directly to me. This added to the peace I felt after I decided it was not the end of the world if my account never comes back to me. Following is the story he shared. I am paraphrasing it from memory and don’t know who to credit.

A mother’s nightmare

After waking one morning, a mother passed by her daughter’s open bedroom door when she saw, to her shock, the bed was nicely made, and everything was put away. Her daughter’s room was usually a disaster area, and the door was rarely open. Then she saw an envelope laying prominently in the center of the bed. It was addressed, “Mom & Dad.” She opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands as she began to think the worst. 

Dear Mom & Dad, 

I’m sorry to write this instead of telling you in person, but I didn’t want to have a confrontation with either of you. I eloped with my new boyfriend. I know you had your heart set on a nice wedding for me someday, but this seemed to be the best choice under the circumstances. I’ve been finding real passion with Abdul and he is so nice to me. I worried that you might not see past his piercings, tattoos, beard, and motorcycle clothes. My passion for Abdul is not the only reason for this, as I learned yesterday that I’m pregnant.  We both felt this was the right thing to do for our baby and Abdul assures me that we will be very happy together. He already owns a paid off trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, and plenty of food and ammunition stored for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too. Abdul taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone, and we’ll be growing it for our use as well as for trading with his friends for things we might need. Don’t worry Mom, I’m 16 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Anything I still need to learn I can learn from Abdul, since he is very experienced and learned a lot of valuable lessons from his first marriage. He told me how terrible she was, and why I am so much better for him. He is so wise for someone only in his 30s. I’m sure we’ll be back to visit someday so you can get to know your grandchildren. 

Beth

PS: None of the above is true. I’m over at Mary’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card. You will find it under my pillow. I love you both! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

When I heard this story, I could feel the mother transition from stressed out, to relieved. That was just how I felt when I finally realized it could be worse, and I had a great life to be thankful for. Regarding the big picture, the thing I was stressing out about is no big deal. And as far as I can tell nobody got scammed.

I thought about all the other times something happened to me and in the heat of the moment I treated the event as if it were the end of the world. But the event was merely a speed bump. There was the time I prepared so extensively for a particular bike race only to get a flat tire and watch everyone ride past me. Or the day I received notice that someone was suing me for malpractice. Or when our hospital converted to electronic medical records. Or the time I made a glaring mistake on stage in front of 100s of people.

I get a lot of emails from people who are stressing out over what I feel are minor things. When you look at other people’s problems, their problems always seem smaller than they make them out to be. The old saying is true: Minor surgery is surgery performed on someone else. Major surgery is when it is being done to me. 

Most of the time the email questions being asked have a simple answer, but the people asking don’t realize it. Once they are reassured, they go away feeling better. It is so easy to get stressed out when something doesn’t go as planned, or the stock market drops, or our bank just declared bankruptcy. 

But the best plan for our sanity is to let it go. Don’t carry grudges. Don’t let something that happened to you in the past take away any joy in your future. Let it stay in the past and move on. 

I covered the topic of letting go in chapter 15 of The Doctors Guide to Finding Joy in Your Work. The bad things from the past do keep resurfacing in our mind and we relive the anxiety they caused when they originally occurred. It is not as intense as it was originally, but it can still have a negative effect on us today. 

When these terrors of the past surface we begin to think about what we should have done: I should have said…, Why didn’t I…, If I ever see them again I will…. Yet there is nothing we can do to change the past.

When you encounter one of these events in the future ask yourself if this is going to matter five years from now. It likely will make a good story you will tell repeatedly to your grandkids. “When I was younger…” You might even think it was funny by then. I’ve heard it said that comedy is simply tragedy plus time. 

As physicians, we have a great job that many would love to have, we make a good income, we help people, and we even occasionally save lives. Thorns come with every rose. Let’s keep our thoughts on the flowers, not the thorns.

It could be worse. 

I wept because I had no shoes… until I met a man who had no feet.

-Ancient Proverb